Busy does not mean Worthy

I will be the first to admit to you that I am busy and always have been.

And I take pride in that.
But I shouldn't.

For some reason, the world has conditioned me to think that being busy means you're making an impact - you're doing all of the right things, meeting the right people, saying the right words, and leaving a mark on those around you.

But what if being busy only means that you're busy.
You're not intentional with your time.
You're not giving people your "best yes."
All you're doing is trying not to drown with all of the commitments that you've made.

For me, I equate being busy with being needed. I want to be needed. It's an addictive feeling, really, to feel needed, wanted, loved, like I'm making a difference.

At any given point in my life, when you asked me how I was doing, I probably could have (and did) respond with, "I'm good! Really busy, but good!"
From growing up in a highly competitive atmosphere, I've always been jumping from one thing to the other. Whether it was studying or exam prep or voice lessons or choir concerts or musical rehearsals or small group or Church, I never learned how to slow down and breathe.

But maybe that's because I never wanted to.

Earlier this year I wrote a blog post entitled "Yes, but not now" which you can read here. In it I wrote about my struggles and disappointments from the first three months of 2017 and how I was learning to Be Still and Know that God is who He says He is.

And so I tried. I did pretty well for the first couple of weeks after writing that article, but soon(er than I would like to admit), I fell back into my old ways of adding things into my life.

"But they are all good things," I reassured myself. And they are. Serving at Church, facilitating a small group, leading another College small group, working at United Way, ramping up my photography business, working out, preparing for a show in August...

These are all good things. But there comes a time when even good things can just become busy.

I use busy as a crutch to validate my worth in the world.*

This happens when you begin to equate your worthiness with busyness. When you are busy for the sake of being busy. When you are busy out of pride.

I kept adding things because I thought I could do it all. I thought if I filled my days with so much stuff, though good, I could run away from the hurt and the pain I was feeling, the anxiety from being in a constant state of transition. I could disguise myself behind a smile and a blanketed answer when asked how I was doing. I could feel a twinge of pride well up inside me when I got to explain all that was going on in my life and look at the shock, amazement, and surprise on people's face when they marvel and exclaim, "I don't know how you do it all, KB!"

And recently I've been realizing something: Being busy does not mean you are worthy.

• You are worthy because God created you for a higher purpose. (Phil. 2:13)
• You are worthy because God breathed breath into your lungs. (Gen. 2:7)
• You are worthy because you were bought at a price. (1 Cor. 6:20)
• You are worthy because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Ps. 139:14)
• You are worthy because you are an heir to the Kingdom of Heaven. (Rom. 8:16-17)
• You are worthy because you are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand. (Eph. 2:10)

It is only by the grace and mercy of God that I am here. Only by His breath that I am breathing. Only by His strength that I am standing. Only because of His love that I am living.

I am not worthy because I am busy. I am worthy because I am a daughter to the King.





*I am reading an incredible book right now called Twenty-Two: Letters to a Young Woman Searching for Meaning by Allison Trowbridge (which you can find here), which is where this revelation came from. Whether you're 18 or 58, I suggest reading this book.